On Being a Mom

1 Day

1 week

1 month

Blessing Day

2 months

3 months

4 months

I have never properly introduced Maggie on the blog, mostly because we haven't updated it for over a year. I don't intend to do so now, I figure it's been four months, so to go back and retell our story will take awhile. You can look at pictures, and perhaps imagine the roller coaster our life has been on the last year. My purpose in posting today is to get back into the swing of blogging, and to share a moment of clarity I enjoyed last night after a very long and trying day.

Because she is four months old, Maggie had her 4 month appointment and shots on Wednesday. Initially, she did well with the shots, but I decided to take Thursday off as a precaution because I wasn't sure that this honeymoon period would last. I was smart to do so, because she was he crabbiest she has ever been. It was an endless cycle of fussy, sleeping, happy, fussy, sleeping, eating, fussy. When Steve got home at 4:30, I was exhausted and stir crazy all at the same time. I had been dying to get out of the house all day, but given the way Maggie was acting, that didn't happen. So when Steve got home we went out for a walk. We all enjoyed the 45 minutes, but as soon as we got home the cycle of fussiness started all over again. It progressively got worse, and she decided to take sleep out of the equation. We alternated who would take her, each hoping the other could calm her, but no dice.

This day made me doubt my ability as a mom. I felt so disconnected from my sweet baby, because no matter what I did, I was not helping her. I rarely have entire days with my daughter because I work part time. The fact that I couldn't help her, combined with the concern that she was getting too used to being without me, made me frustrated, angry and exhausted. Around 8:00, her crying got worse, and I took her from Steve. I bounced and rocked her as she cried in my arms. I looked out the window, and after a few minutes, I realized she and Steve had both fallen asleep. I took the chair by the window, and enjoyed the silence. As this happened I was completely overcome. I felt that connection I was convinced I had lost, strengthen. I was inspired at that moment that it didn't matter if I worked, or didn't, I am the only mother for Maggie. Soon after this, Steve woke up and said  "you are the best mother Maggie could have." The only explanation for this is that The Lord was keenly aware of my needs, and when all was still, I could finally recognize it.

I love being a mom.

Grateful

Megan and I were driving earlier today and talking about today's holiday as well as the coming holidays next month. Some loved ones had asked if there was anything we needed as they do their Christmas shopping, so we were thinking about it. Everything we came up with, though, was a "want" instead of a "need". It was a great reminder of how blessed we really are. We have so much to be thankful for.

Last year we decided to make a playlist of Thanksgiving songs (which really means songs about gratitude) and it has been wonderful to listen to often for the last few weeks. It's probably a little late, but here are the songs:
-Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing, sung by Freddy Ashby (who is the son of my mission president)
-Grateful (featuring Brian Stokes Mitchell)/The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
-My God, My Portion, and My Love/The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
-Prayer of Thanksgiving/Peter Breinholt
-Thou Gracious God, Whose Mercy Lends/The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
-Hymn of Nature/Jon Schmidt
-Thankful/Josh Groban
-How Can I Keep from Singing?/Eva Cassidy
-Brother James' Air/The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
-What About?/Peter Breinholt
-Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep/The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
-On My Front Porch Looking In/Lonestar
-For the Beauty of the Earth/The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
-Some Folks' lives Roll Easy/Paul Simon
-Laughing With/Regina Spektor
-Homeless/Voicemale
-Prayer of the Children/Voicemale
-Game in the Aspens (Five Canyon Impressions)/Robert Cundick

It is assuredly the only playlist in the world that features the Motab, Regina Spektor, and my grandpa. We're grateful for good music.

We're grateful for our jobs, that give us a chance to learn, to associate with great people, and to serve others.
We're grateful for our apartment, and the chance to live with my grandparents and learn from them.
We're grateful for our puppy, who keeps us smiling.
We're grateful for wonderful parents and families, who continue to teach us.
We're grateful for dear friends, both new and old.
We're grateful for the little things in life. Gas station runs for diet sodas and hi-chews, date nights at Training Table, board games, projects around the house, Psych, house plants, musicals, football, Netflix, crafts, new tires, forever lazies, comedy, good books, pumpkin cheesecake bars, our callings, washers and dryers, gas logs, Wreck-it Ralph. etc etc.

Most of all, we're grateful for our testimonies of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. We're grateful for our temple marriage and eternal ties to those we love. We're grateful for our Savior who made it all possible and for our Father in Heaven, from whom flow all the blessings, big and small, that we enjoy each day. We must be the luckiest people alive.

Time Flies

Well, I officially stink at posting. I wish I didn't, but I do.

I guess the lack of posting is directly related to the lack of interesting things happening in our lives to post about. It seems to me like life just keeps plugging along, and we go along with it.

Soon after I wrote the last post, I found out I was going to have to leave my current school. After a lot of drama, and frustration, I applied for a job at Cottonwood Elementary and got it. I will be staying in 5th grade, and working with a teacher that I had as a 5th grader for science. It's weird to think that I will be teaching at the same elementary I went to. But I am excited all the same.

Steve graduated in May. He's currently look for a job to give him some more medical experience hours. Cross your fingers.

My brother got married the same day Steve graduated. It ended up being a crazy day, but I am SO happy for my brother and new sister in law Lindsay. (Yes, her name is Lindsay. Not to be confused with my sister Lindsay. And her parents are Bruce and Becky, not to be confused with MY parents Bruce and Becky. Small world huh?)

I successfully survived my first year of teaching. It was harder than I thought it would be to say goodbye to the school that gave me my start. I learned so much, and am excited to use what I've learned to make next year even better.

So far in the 4 days of summer I have experienced I have had this weird anxious feeling, like there's something I should be doing. I guess it is the feeling you get when you've worked hard all school year, and can laze about for the summer without a job. Hopefully that feeling will go away as we get more busy with our summer plans. On Monday I leave for Paris and London with my mom and sisters, and Steve goes to the U.S. Open in San Francisco with my Dad and brother. It will be the first time we've spent so long apart, but we're both excited for our separate adventures. Hopefully by the end of our adventures, we'll have something amusing to share. 

It happened....

Today I yelled at my students.

Oh ya.

Some of you will say, "Isn't that normal for a teacher? Why is that a big deal?" The thing is, it's not normal for me. I have never full out yelled at my students before. I have yelled before, but usually it's a teasing, trying to sound threatening way. Today however I hit my limit. I yelled, in a can't handle it anymore, going to explode, cannot restrain myself way.

Granted, the frustration was warranted. My students couldn't stop making stupid comments, or interrupting me while I was talking. It kept happening ALL DAY! So by the end of the day (when the yelling happened) I was done. Usually this frustration doesn't result in my yelling...Not Today! After I was through, an eerie silence fell over my classroom. No one dared come near me the rest of the day.

Needless to say, I felt terrible. I even stamped my foot while yelling. Who does that? Definitely not me! But today, it happened. I yelled, and stamped and had a minor freak out at my students.

The worst part is, I yelled because I was frustrated at other things, and I took it out on my students. Too many other things were going wrong, and unfortunately the comments and interruptions were the last straw. The last 24 hours have been stressful to say the least so therefore, I yelled.

It doesn't feel good.

PARENTHOOD

Having never been a parent, I cannot attest to the difficulty of this task. I can tell you however, that some parents just don't care enough about their children. Plain and Simple. I can attest to the fact that children need the support of their parents to succeed. I can also say that if all parents could and would just try the following, their children would be much better off.

1. Do check your child's back pack when they get home to see if they have everything they need.
2. Do not dodge a teacher/principal/social worker's phone call.
3. Do not teach them to disrespect their elders, or that saying please and thank you is optional.
4. Do hear them out when they try and tell you something is wrong.
5. Do not over-schedule your child, and by association yourself.
6. Do ask your child what they learned in school today.
7. Do not say you're too busy to listen to them read.
8. Do be consistent in enforcing the rules you set.
9. Do not pretend everything is always okay. (They know that it's not)
10. Do take their teacher seriously when they list concerns.
11. Do not attack said teacher for voicing their concerns. If they didn't care about your child, they wouldn't tell you.
12. Do tell your child that you love them.
13. Do not set unrealistic expectations
14. Do let your children know it's okay to fail.
15. Do not teach them to hide their feelings.
16. Do laugh with your children when they do something funny...and teach them to laugh at themselves.
17. Do not criticize, intimidate or bully as a form of discipline.
18. Do help your children show genuine emotion, rather than to blankly stare into oblivion.
19. Do not assume that they just know you love them.
20. Do teach your children to be a leader AND a follower.
21. Do not dissuade them from following their dreams, as obscure or crazy they may seem.

Some of the parents I have encountered may say this list is easier said than done, or that I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm not a parent. To them I respectfully say...just try it and yes, I do.

New Addition

Well, after months of bargaining, Megan finally consented to us getting a dog! She wasn't totally sold on the idea, but she knew how much I wanted one...and was maybe a bit tired of me asking.

I had found a listing for a 9-month old dog on ksl.com. We arranged to drive to Logan to see him last Friday night. His owner was a college student, who apparently thought that she would be able to find an apartment that allowed dogs when she moved to school, but wasn't able to.

Since we were teenagers, my brother and I have planned on having beagles. He would be naming his Bingley, and I would name mine Bentley. He's still working on getting his, but we decided to follow through. So the dog formerly known as "Koylei" was renamed--Bentley the Beagle.

As we drove home from Logan, he was super chill and cuddly! We could tell he was getting restless by the end of the drive. He would lay down in one position, move his head ten seconds later a couple of times, and then stand up and find another position. When we finally got home, he ran laps around his new home! We could tell he was happy to be here.

Since then, we've been adjusting to having him around. We built a pen for him in our storage room, and he's usually content to be wherever we are. He is super energetic, but crashes after running around for awhile. He loves to hang out under our furniture, though he has to do an army crawl to get there. He chews a lot, but we've found some good toys that distract him from our more precious objects.

We're glad to have him around! Here are some pictures. We took some good ones with our camera, but we can't find the cord...so these will have to do. They were taken with our phones.



He also likes to lay in funny positions, like this one we caught:

Grateful

Thou gracious God, whose mercy lends
the light of home, the smile of friends,
our gathered flock thine arms enfold
as in the peaceful days of old.

Wilt thou not hear us while we raise
in sweet accord of solemn praise
the voices that have mingled long
in joyous flow of mirth and song?

For all the blessings life has brought,
for all the sorrowing hours have taught,
for all we mourn, for all we keep,
the hands we clasp, the loved that sleep.

The noontide sunshine of the past,
these brief, bright moments fading fast,
the stars that gild our darkening years,
the twilight ray from holier spheres.

We thank thee, Father; let thy grace
our loving circle still embrace,
thy mercy shed its heavenly store,
thy peace be with us evermore.



-Oliver Wendell Holmes

School DAZE

My first bulletin board. I'm so proud! The students had to write a caption saying why they were proud to be in America, and then they drew a self portrait. I gotta say, some of my 5th graders have serious drawing talent. It's so fun to see the things they come up with.

So far school as been overwhelming, but at the same time a total blast! I've discovered that I secretly like the naughty kids in my class more than the good ones. I never seem to know what's going on with the rest of the school, i.e. meetings, assemblies etc. My kids are super good at reminding me of what I'm supposed to be doing. I smoothly pretend that I knew what was going on the whole time, and say I just wanted to see if THEY knew. I'm seeing that some kids don't have any kind of personality, which makes me concerned for their future. Also, I have already run out of patience with the "my mom didn't remember" excuse which seems to be the common fall back for any student that doesn't bring their homework.

Teaching school has it's quirks for sure, but so far.....totally fun.

Worries of a Future Teacher

-Heels, or the flats the first day?
-Pin system or card system?
-How can I teach language arts when I'M not even sure of all the rules of grammar?
-Can I get away with wearing jeans more often than on Fridays?
-How much diet coke should I let my students to SEE me drink?
-5th graders should know how to tie their own shoes.....right??
-How comfortable am I with parents popping in and out of my room?
-How much material should be my own, and how much should I get from my fellow teachers?
-Can I really go 3 hours without a bathroom break, or just a break period?
-Can I avoid a bickering match with a 10/11 year old?
-Will the students see me as an authority, or just walk all over me?
-How do I make what I'm teaching stick?
-Is it appropriate to laugh when a student is being "disruptive"?
-8:30-3:30 isn't THAT long......right?
-If I'm late to a faculty meeting or two, will they give me the boot?
-When I don't know the answer to something, will I lose all credibility?
-I wonder how many times I'll come home crying.
-How many art/music/pe activities can I get away with?

WHAT IF I'M NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS????

Goings On

Yes, it's been awhile. Not because I lack anything good to say, but because I lack the desire to write it down. Here's what's going on with us right now....

I GRADUATED

After lots of interviewing, I was offered a job at Bennion Elementary school in the 5th grade. So not only did I graduate, I got a BIG KID job.

• Steve's working full time for Sterling, and I'm working a couple days a week for Extra Space.
• We've had fun trips to Lake Powell and the Cabin, to enjoy time with friends and family.
• The sprinkler line at the top of the stairs to our apartment burst, thus flooding our kitchen and living room. Said flood was found when I decided to skip Sunday school to prepare the stuff for my Young Women's lesson. Having no idea what to do I ran back to the church and grabbed Steve out of his Gospel Doctrine lesson, (for which he didn't return) and some amazing members of our ward dropped everything to help.
• Due to the flood Steve and I replaced our damaged laminate flooring with tile, with help from my parents, and we are still in the process of putting it all back together.
• I'm off to spend my first young women's camp as a leader up in the Oakley area. It will be interesting to be on the other side of this. What I've learned so far is that the leaders get to go down to Kamas to get "ice" AKA "sodas" while the girls cannot leave the camp. I think I'm gonna like being a leader.
• We're both looking forward to the Cundick camping trip in Yellowstone as well as the Boucher California trip the following week. We'll be busy traveling this July. :)

Other than that our summer's flying by altogether too fast, and we're enjoying every moment of it.

More pictures and posts to come!

The Wooldial

The Wooldial (full name: The Second Annual End-of-Finals Wooldial Auto-Invitational Semi-Pro Golf Classic) is a golf tournament that a buddy of mine and I decided to put together last spring. It's a two-man scramble, meaning that you play as a team of two. You each hit, then you go to the better of the two shots and each hit from there, etc.

For the second year in a row, I played with my mission buddy Derrick. This year, his wife came along to ride in the cart and hang out. Megan would have come too, but she was working her last night at the Lion House (exciting story about that to follow in another post.)

Last year, Derrick and I won. We weren't so lucky this year. Derrick played well again...I did not. Still, we had an eventful outing.

From time to time, golfers have been known to put on some pretty good threads to play the sport, and Derrick and I feel that the Wooldial calls for a trip to the DI before-hand. Below are the pictures, first from this year, and second from last year.
Hopefully we can make it two out of three next year.

My mind has been reeling lately. I feel very behind on lots of things, including my blog and right now I should be catching up. Unfortunately, I cannot bring myself to to do it. So instead I feel like sharing a few things that have been on my mind.

I'm LUCKY

I married into an amazing family. When Steve and I got engaged, I was very intimidated by his family. I had no grounds to feel this way, other than that I wanted them to like me. Now I see how silly I was to feel that way. They are the most loving and kind people I know. I have been overwhelmed with the love and support we have been given. Steve's family goes to extremes to support each other, even when they have their own burdens to bear. I so admire his parents, and their desire to help their children succeed. I want to be like his siblings because of their concern for each other. His nieces and nephews are adorable, and never fail to make me smile.

I was raised by parents that cared about my education. I know this, because of how involved they were at my school. My mom was on every committee, my dad was at every play, music recital and class event. Even with all of us graduated now, my parents can still be found at foundation meetings, on school re-build committees and in my mom's case, sewing up a storm for the drama department. As I am student teaching, I am learning how crucial a parent's involvement in their child's classroom is. Because of their examples, I CARE about my education. Heck, I would say it's one of the reasons I want to be a teacher. They have inspired me to help my students to care about their education too.

My husband loves me. This may seem simple, but I honestly believe it's one of the reasons I'm lucky. I've noticed recently how he and I love each other more every day. And even though that doesn't seem possible sometimes, each day I'm surprised because it grows even more. The best thing about it is that I'm sure that it will be this way forever.

I have a knowledge of Heavenly Father's love for me. I know he's watching over me and those I care about. I know that even though I don't always like what he has in store for me, I know that I'll overcome whatever challenges come my way because he wouldn't send them if he didn't think I could handle them.

Sorry it's sappy, but it's as close to how I feel as I can say. I'm just really, really lucky.

Scenes from a Chinese Restaurant

Last night was our weekly Friday night date. It went a little something like this:

We went to the one Chinese Restaurant within 40 miles, the Snow Dragon. Sitting in the booth behind us were 2 couples, obviously on a first date. The girls were mostly talking to eachother and the boys were sitting there awkwardly. The following is a conversation we heard from said double date going on behind us:

Girl 1: "Wow, this water is really hitting the spot"
(awkward pause)
Girl 2 takes a sip: "You're totally right!"
(awkward pause)
Boy 1: "Glad you like it."
Waiter: "You ready to order?"
Girls 1 and 2: "Yes"
Boys 1 and 2: "No"
(awkward pause)
Girl 1 to Waiter: "What's the difference between Egg Drop and Wonton Soup?"
Waiter: "Uh....let's see. Uh, I don't know how to explain them. Look, there isn't a huge difference they're both Asian."
Girl 1: "OOOkaaaaaaay"
Boy 2: "Can I have half sweet and sour half sesame chicken?"
Waiter (who I'm now thinking is the worst waiter ever): "We can't do that because (whispering slightly) the cooks are Chinese, and if I try and talk to them, they get really confused. Sorry dude, unless you want something else other than what you ordered I can't do it."

Steve and I couldn't help but laugh. First at the awkwardness of the first date conversation going on thrilled to be out of the dating game. This water is really hitting the spot? Really? If you can't think of a better ice breaker than that, maybe you should take some lessons in small talk.

Second, did the waiter really just say those things? Really?

When we paid we noticed that the owner's son was in a class that Steve helped out with during the first part of the semester. He recognized Steve and told his dad about him. His dad replied that the boy was like Steve's apprentice. The boy then said, 'yeah, he's the sorcerer and I'm the apprentice.' (he began to mumble some weird incantation.) Steve just laughed and we stood there uncomfortably as we finished paying. The owner gave us a lovely Calendar of the Chinese New Year, and asked his son to tell us what the Chinese Characters meant on the box...the boy looked at us, then back at his Dad obviously confused, as he had no idea what they said.

Good times to be had on Date Night!

On another note, we saw Tangled, and it was wonderful.

The Scoop

So between the two of us, Steve and I aren't very good at updating our blog. Maybe it's because there isn't much going on with us, or maybe we're just lazy (Steve's just busy, I'm more lazy), so here I am with what will hopefully be a semi-interesting update.

Steve is now working two jobs along with a busy school schedule. They just amount to about 10 hours a week, but we definitely consider them a blessing. One of the things we're learning as newlyweds is that tithing works, and that Heavenly Father answers prayers. :) Steve's doing well in his classes, and loves being at Snow...for now. I'll be honest, I'm pretty sure he misses being a Utah Man. It's been hard for him to be away for games and stuff, and since his family is BIG into the Utes, it'll be good for him to be back in Salt Lake.

I have been working in a 3rd Grade classroom for the last two weeks, and will spend the rest of my time here at Ephraim Elementary. My students are a challenge, but I enjoy every minute of it. Anything beats being a student in a sometimes 5 hour class. Now I'm a teacher, in an actual classroom. I've been given an awesome mentor teacher who really wants me to succeed. She's given me tons of materials and ideas I can't wait to apply in my own classroom!

Steve and I are both getting anxious to move back to Salt Lake. It'll be nice not to have to drive 2 hours when we want to see our family. That's been the hardest thing about living here, we never get enough time with our families. I have yet to find out about my student teaching, but am supposed to get an answer about it in about a month. We're hoping for somewhere close, but I'm so excited to finally be student teacher, I'd go anywhere! Not to mention that I'm so ready to graduate I could scream! So we just have a short month left in Ephraim and we'll be done. Wow, time flies.

Well that's the scoop on us for now. I should probly post pictures and stuff, but I don't have anything uploaded yet. I'll work on it and post soon!

So there I was

So there I was, minding my own business, working on some homework, when my husband burst through our door and told me to come with him. This seemed strange to me because he'd just left for school five minutes earlier. He was insistent that I come with him this instant, that there was something I HAD to see. So we ran to the car and began to drive. He was giggling like a little kid, and I could not imagine what the surprise could've been. So we drove along main street, and turned right toward Snow College and there it was...




or should I say, there THEY were. Hundreds of sheep running down the street. They were surrounded by trucks, men on four wheelers and sheep dogs, guiding them down. So we parked the car and watched the sheep parade.
Once again, we've found something we love about Ephraim. Quirky, loveable, hicktown Ephraim!

Happy Sheep Day!

Wedding Pictures

Here are some of our favorite wedding pictures. Our photographer did a fabulous job!

Like I said, these are just some of the pictures we love. We created a slideshow to put on here, but it's kind of small! If it didn't take so long I'm SURE I'd post more.

Thank you Amanda Abel! Our pictures were beautiful!

Date Night

Last night for date night, after our fabulous home made pizza dinner, Steve and I decided to take a drive up the canyon. The leaves are just starting to change, and it's my absolute favorite time of year! We did some fun (for Steve) off roading. (I'll admit I didn't enjoy it much, especially when we couldn't turn around and had to off road backward.) Norris, Steve's truck, handled it like a champ! However nerve wracking, these off roading adventures took us to some simply beautiful spots.

These were taken at a ropes course we found about halfway up the canyon. We weren't sure we should be in there, the no trespassing signs were menacing, but it turned out to be a lovely spot.

This was the leaf I picked up. You can't really tell from the picture but it's the most brilliant shade of orange. Almost pink!


We kept driving up the bumpy, dirt road canyon, and found the most beautiful lake. Well, Steve called it a lake. I'd probly call it a pond, but still, breathtaking. The best part was seeing the small fish jumping high out of the water to catch the bugs. It was awesome!


There are a few things we don't love about Ephraim. No cell phone service for Steve, the lack of any kind of store except a Wal-mart, the sometimes unpleasant aroma, the 2 hour drive to Salt Lake, and the random internet, and power outages. However, Ephraim is not lacking in beauty. The beauty in Sanpete County, is different than what you'd see on the Wasatch front, but we've learned that different is good. Steve and I feel so blessed to have this time in Ephraim.

Here We Are

It's sad when you start a new blog and you already feel behind. Steve and I have had an exciting month! So much has happened that the only thing I can think of is to give you a picture list.

We got married...

It was raining and windy...


I tried to stay happy, but I couldn't help but be worried...


After a big rain storm while we were trying to take pictures I was sure we'd have to move the reception from the backyard to the church. However, it turned out to be beautiful for the reception, so all was well and we will post the real pictures as soon as we get them.

We honeymooned in San Francisco...

Caught some Baseball Games...

Saw Wicked...

And just bummed around the bay...

We came home where we quickly packed our stuff and headed to Ephraim to our new apartment. (Pictures to come later) And since we've been here we've:

Been to the Manti Rodeo...

And Celebrated Steve's Birthday. Hooray for 22!
We're enjoying the adventure of being married so far. Sure it hasn't been easy, but it has definitely been fun!